Every fucking time

Article: Transparency and openness go hand in hand in ensuring blah blah
Brain: ...hand in hand go their PARKLIFE

The real question is

Do you have to wear a bra when you go to the library.

And also, EXAM TIME and the general situation now is:

Just this once Gandalf I will be good I sweeeaaar

OK bye

In which actual people kick inanimate objects' butt

I went to Shiv Sai with Vasudha and now I feel better about life.

This is why you shouldn't spend all your time on the internet, kids.
This is why you should shut up about your phone. 

God Bless that weirdo Adam

Remember when he posted a series of pictures of his willy on his blog?

God bless him.

Danks you guise

So that was fun. 


I've got to do stuff now so I don't feel like a jerk. 
I mean, work and stuff. 

Alarming developments

I tweeted Johnny Marr.
Which means in some sense of the word I said things to him.
I am deeply regretting this life decision that I have made.
To illustrate, if you were some really Christian fellow, and you tweeted Jesus, telling him silly things. Such is the situation that has happened. 
The internet is bad for you. 

Book review: Khasakkinte Ithihasam

ഖസാക്കിന്റെ ഇതിഹാസം കലക്കീട്ടുണ്ട്.
ലാസ്റ്റ് ആ രവീനെ ഒരു ചവിട്ടു ചവിട്ടാന്‍ തോന്നി എനിക്ക് ചില സമയത്ത്. ഒരു വല്യ outsider വന്നിരിക്കുന്നു. വല്യ വാറ്റുചാരായം കുടികകണ ആള്. എന്തെങ്കിലും ആയിക്കോട്ടെ. പുസ്തകം നന്നായിട്ടുണ്ട് വളരെ. പിന്നെ എല്ലാവരും ചില സമയത്ത് ജാട ആണ്. അതും പറയണല്ലോ.
പിന്നേ എന്താണ് ഈ സാലഭന്ചിക ആരെങ്കിലും പറഞ്ഞു തരുമോ
നാട്ടിലെ ആള്‍ക്കാരുടെ കഥ ഒക്കെ പറഞ്ഞത് നന്നായിട്ടുണ്ട്. അവരെ മഹാന്മാരാക്കീട്ടില്ല. മനുഷ്യരാക്കീട്ടെ ഉള്ളു. 
അല്ലെങ്കി എപ്പളും ഗ്രാമത്തില്‍ മൊത്തം മാലാഖമാരും നഗരത്തിലെപ്പോഴും ചതിയന്മാരും കള്ളന്മാരും. അതില്ല. 
പക്ഷെ ഈ മിത്തും ശരിക്കെ ഉള്ള സംഭവവും ഇങ്ങനെ ഒരു പട്ടുതുണിയില്‍


ഒരുമിച്ചു നെയ്ത പോലെ  ആക്കിയത് അടിപൊളി ആയിട്ടുണ്ട്‌. 
പിന്നെ ഇങ്ങേരുടെ എഴുത്തിന്റെ രീതി നന്നായിണ്ട്. അപ്പൊ ഇതാണല്ലേ ഈ കുറെ ആള്‍ക്കാര് കോപ്പി അടിച്ചു കൊണ്ട് നടക്കുന്നത്. എല്ലാം plural ആക്കിയാല്‍ മാത്രം പോര. അതിനൊക്കെ creative genius വേണം. അത് ഇങ്ങേര്‍ക്ക് ഉണ്ട്. നിങ്ങള്‍ക്കാര്‍ക്കും ഇല്ല. "എന്തിനോ വേണ്ടി തിളയ്ക്കുന്ന സംബാറുകള്‍"" " എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞാല്‍ കോമഡി ആണ്. അല്ലാതെ ഇങ്ങേരുടെ പോലെ ആവില്ല. കേട്ടോ. 
അത് പോലെയല്ല "അപ്പോഴും അസ്തമയത്തിലൂടെ പനതതതകളുടെ ധനുസ്സുകള്‍ പറന്നകുന്നു കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു" എന്ന് പറയുന്നത്. 
ആഹ. ഇത് ഞാന്‍ ഇപ്പൊ ചുമ്മാ തുറന്നു നോക്കിയപോ കണ്ട ലൈന്‍ ആണ്. അപ്പ എങ്ങിനെയുണ്ട്
പിന്നെ ഈ പുസ്തകം വായിച്ചിട്ടാണോ എല്ലാ ഇപ്പൊ മധ്യവയസ്കരായ ആള്‍ക്കാര് ഗ്രാമത്തില്‍ സ്കൂള്‍ ടീച്ചര്‍ ആകാന്‍ പോകുന്നത്? അവര്‍ വയസ്സാങ്കാലത്ത് ഖസാക്കിന്റെ ഇതിഹാസം  കളിയ്ക്കാന്‍ പോവുകയാണോ? 

Stop looking at my blog Shriti

And stop posting pictures of food on yours

This yellow thing

I just really like this yellow shirt
I just feel really nice in it
I have just spend fifteen minutes berating my other shirts why they can't be more like this yellow thing

#inwhichistarttalkingtomyclothes

Also where is my one legged bird.
I want to tell him about the Lurkers. And this coal scam, what about that eh

Can I also just tell you that I went out to buy my big bag of chips and I saw this person who had GOTHIC written on his shirt in glitter, and it really looked like he had written it himself.
And then there was this girl with this really nice pair of non skinny jeans
And there were two girls buying ice cream with a really nasty look on their face that seemed to suggest that they really hated buying ice cream or something but they had to because somebody had to do it
And all this made me feel nice and happy. 

Hey Hey Let's all go to a show like this

Oh wait it doesn't exist.

Exam time is here again all rejoice

If the intention of the person who wrote this article in World Trade Law was that this weird combination of words used make sense to earthlings then I am sorry to say that he has failed in a most miserable fashion.
Better luck next time monsieur.
Come back when you learn some English and not this space people talk that you have here on GATT 1994. 

Reasons life does not make any sense

1. I am not Graham's best friend.
2. I am not allowed to go back in time and punch Damon in the face, repeatedly.
3. I cannot teleport. (WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT ANYWAY)
4. Amba sux.
5. I am not Batman.
6. I am not a golden guitar godlike genius
7. I am starting to like Graham's solo stuff better than blur WHATSHAPPENING
8. I have to do a CCR presentation in the evening and I am making this list.
9. According to legend, in the early days Peter used to answer his phone with "Hello, Albion Services"
10. Fleas can jump higher than 130 times their own height
11. Peter and Carlos have not made a sex tape together and put it up on Albion Arks yet.
12. I am dumb and everybody else is smrt
13. Nobody understands that I am funny and cool and just generally the sex I mean where are my groupies

Can I just say

...that the stuff you are interested in does not make you cool.
It's what you are like that determines whether you are cool.
This is simple and can be illustrated by simple facts of life:

1. You may like the Smiths but that does not make you Johnny Marr. 
2. You might be Christian but that does not make you Jesus. 
3. You might like sex but that does not make you Led Zeppelin. 

This is the tragedy of everybody's life. But you know, it's true.
So don't think, I like this stuff so I must be cool, because if you are a jerk you are still a jerk.

And being a jerk is for chumps. Be nice: Listen to Hugh Laurie:

That was an important life lesson that you could have gotten for free, but if you hadn't figured out this yourself before I told you gimme 750 bucks I need to buy something. 

She just opened her heart and threw her cares away

I have been worrying about this bird all day and I am done now. I have left my window open and I am going to sleep. 


And all the insects have come in and they're biting me and IT HURTS AND THEY ARE FUCKING ANNOYING and also this bird has already pooped in my room but I AM STILL GOING TO SAVE ITS LIFE how do you like that for 'cold and unfeeling' Alphonsa you BASTARD 

Meanwhile in England

...Alex has started naming blur songs after cheese


Cheese so high


Quarklife


SEND HELP I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS LOUCHE MAN


He just also said "Bit of a Bleu"


Tell my mother I love her


*dies*

St. Ernesto

There are some things I haven’t made up my mind about.

And one of the things came up in conversation the other day and I can't think and talk at the same time, so I couldn't articulate anything.I have thought about it since and I have been back and forth and it still hard to say. Anyway, in my own confused and unorganized way, I'd like to write down my thoughts. 

So the thing was Arun said that he hated Che for what he did after they overthrew Batista in 1959. That he killed all those people and everything. And I said, "but he went and got himself killed as well" which is not what I meant to say and isn't really any moral ground to kill people at all (is there really a moral ground that lets you kill people? 007) Anyway, what has always bugged me is whether he sort of hardened up when he got power and started pushing his Marxism down dead people's throats and stuff. But then I always think, he could have stayed in Cuba and enjoyed it(all the power and all) a bit more, but right after the coup he said, "The battle is over, the revolution begins now" and everywhere he was talking about the common history and sameness of the American countries and he left being a minister and went to Bolivia because he really wanted to free those people and it was pretty evident he didn't really have a chance. And it wasn't very nice to be in there, I have read the Bolivian Diaries. He left and got himself killed. So it may not be that he was blinded by his authority and power. Maybe he thought of the whole thing as an ongoing war against imperialism, do you know what I mean? However at the same time, the fact that he was the minister in charge of executing Batista sympathizers  and stuff still really makes me uncertain.  I am a pacifist and I don't believe in killing people whatever the reason (John said that). But the thing is, they did the coup, right? And there were only a few of them. And I dunno, maybe sometimes violence is the only answer? I mean, I think otherwise, but we are such little twerps, how do we know what it is like to live under such a regime? Maybe "A revolution without guns, Mial? It will never work."  I just can't bring myself to believe everything the (western?) media says about Cuba and it's revolutionary leaders. But that's about it really. If Che really killed 2000 anti-communists at La Cabana, then it's a NO from me. Just NO. No matter how much poetry you have in your pocket[1].

I don't think that freedom should be given more importance over all the other stuff that is there, like equality or something, I mean, maybe it is not the topmost ideal above all others, like Camus says,  but it is quite important. Hard to envisage one without the other. And anyway, killing anti-communists isn't communism. I read this book at home which talked about this phrase "Aadyam manushyan, pinne Marxism" which in translation means roughly and less beautifully "First Man, then comes Marxism", or something like first comes humanity and then comes Marxism. I agree with that.

But the fact remains that my views will always be colored by the fact that Che Guevara has always been sort of like I dunno Jesus or something for Communists, which everybody is at home. The fact remains that my conclusions and views will always be colored and narrowed down because I read poetry about the jar in which they sent Che's hands to Cuba, after they hacked them off after capturing and killing him.

The fact also remains that my views on communism will always be colored by images of that soldier playing Russian roulette with Victor Jara in Chile in September.

(I am not saying this is a good thing.) 

It's all 'kitsch', I suppose, like Milanku says in the "Unbearable lightness of being".  I try hard to keep my mind free. Again, it may be because I believe that conformity does not belong on the Left. I think I agree with what Camus says in "Socialism of the Gallows" that it is on the left today (whenever that was, at that time) :

"To be sure, the Right is not brilliant. But when the left is in complete decadence, a prisoner of words, caught in its own vocabulary, capable of merely stereotyped replies, constantly at a loss when faced with the truth, from which it nevertheless claimed to derive its laws.The Left is schizophrenic and needs doctoring through pitiless self criticism, exercise of the heart and clear reasoning.[ ….] Meanwhile the intellectual's role will be to say that the king is naked when he is, and not go into raptures over his imaginary trappings."

If I go by my favourite definition of an intellectual, which is Peter's, when he said that:

"I don’t really know what “intellectual” means, but if it means you’ve got a desire to learn, you’ve got a desire to look for things that haven’t been presented to you, then, maybe. "(on being asked whether he considered himself and Carl as 'intellectuals')

…then that (the intellectual's role according to Camus) becomes my role too, at least I want it to be, and I try hard to free my mind.

In any case, I can be a communist and still not approve of everything communist leaders did in their lifetime. Anyway it isn't all about individuals. What about Unamono? He "looked upon Marxism more as a moral and humanitarian ideal compatible with Christian values than as an economic theory or blueprint for violent revolution."

These are the things I have been thinking about. Among other things. 

---

[1] 69, incidentally. Che’s green notebook that they found among his personal belongings after his murder had 69 poems of poets like Neruda, Vallejo and Felipe, written in his own hand. 

NME your gay is showing

The NME has such a hard on for Peter all the time it's embarassing. Here on their blog they've posted thirty three pictures of Peter on account of it is his thirty third birthday, with such rabid fangirl captions such as "Pete flashing his nipples again in this one". I have no reason to lie to you. 
http://www.nme.com/blog/index.php?blog=147&title=pete_doherty_1&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1
Stop it NME, you are a music magazine. (And 60 years old) (Keep it in yer pants) 

From Peter's Journal

One day somebody sent plain old Peter a postcard. 

Was saving this for your Birthday Monsieur Peter

You know how much I love Peter? Its not a worshippy love. Its not a rockstarishmy love.  Its an everyday love that permeates my entire waking hours- like whenever I see a movie that looks nice I want to call him up and ask him if he thinks I should watch it. I trust his judgment, about toothpaste as well, you know? Although I half expect him to be sixteen years old and thirty years old at the same time, coming in to the house after playing football with Emma Frogg with two 'g's but no teeth, with his top-hat full of cats.  Stupid love of my stupid life.  (And a goddam poet if I ever saw one)

Oh here he comes with his raspy drug-addled voice screaming "Pipey McGraw" and I can't find it in my heart to hate anything anymore. 

(Filed under: Journal entries about people who I half made up.)

Good things happened to me on March 12

I was sitting in class thinking about how Peter's birthday was in early March too, then I came back and realised that it was today. 
Happy Birthdae Peter Doherty.

Happy Birthday Graham!

I stayed up and played Coffee and TV for you in the general direction of England. 


Going to sleep after an emotional performance of "You're so great and I love you". 


<3


I TWEETED GRAHAM ON HIS BIRTHDAY NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS
I THINK I AM GOING TO GET A HEART ATTACK SEND HELP 

Quality blogging sponsored by JDawg

Now that I have left tumblr it has never been this quality- there are new Libertines pictures, gifs and and the funny people have returned in millions.

I feel personally responsible- where is my thanks? Do I ever get any? No. 

And fuckyeahhippysson has returned. Yes miladies. 

Also you have no idea, it must be withdrawal symptoms, because today I literally had to wrench my hand from the reblog button and tell myself to calm down, IT'S ONLY DAMON. 

Damon. If I ever get that urge again please just punch me in the face and never speak of it again. 

Dance music for old people

I had a Libertines day after so long, man. My heart feels lighter. I mean, I watch their shows everyday and wallow in misery about how they broke up and write sorrowful ballads to their great romance but I haven't had the urge to put their first album on and just lose it, you know?
That was a good fifteen minutes. Now I gotta go for flute class.
I have been really busy lately. It's weird and I don't like it.
Bye bye.
P. S. Also I had this nagging doubt in my mind that I was maybe too old for them now. CODSWALLOP. Right? Right?
P. P. S. Thin ice, mademoiselle.

East of Eden aka My mother is a whore: Book Review

Not going to be spoiler free. But it isn't some goddam mystery novel, so there.

John Steinbeck said "One book to a man" and if this isn't his "one book", I mean, if "Grapes of Wrath" or something is better than this one, then humanity is so fucking amazing I don't know what went wrong with the whole thing, I mean, it would just be completely inexplicable. 

I liked Cal best in this book, Cal Trask. I know that in the end he kind of becomes the one you are supposed to like as well, but I liked him from the beginning( *puts hipster glasses on*). I liked him from when he was born and he looked meaner and shrewder than his brother and everybody automatically liked him less. I feel you, man, I said. And all that rejection lark. And your parent being a whore. And all that nervousness about whether your 'mean' is inherited or your own 'mean'.  And all his prayers at night going "Don't let me be mean". And I knew that brother of his was going to get himself killed that golden haired sonuvabitch. These blonde angelic types are always fucking martyring themselves. It's so fucking annoying.

From now on I am going to believe everything John Steinbeck tells me. Through the internet, I mean, since he was from so long ago. And he wrote this book in 1956 or something, I mean, the stuff, the underlying stuff is the same. All the stories, and all the stuff are the same. In life and in literature. All the good stories. Anyway, how come people know so much about human beings? I mean, you know, authors like John Steinbeck. How come they learned people so well? And how do they still love them even though they have seen them at their weakest, most cowardly moments? Maybe that is why. Maybe if you've seen them, seen right through them in their most unarmed self indulgent moments then you sort of can't help it. Maybe all these authors who know everything are like timelords who have seen so much and are so old that they can't help being hopelessly in love with everything that is human.

This didn't really turn out to be a book review but it is three thirty in the  morning. Read this book. I am not kidding around. If you don't read anything else, read this. And Mice and Men and Steppenwolf.

I should make more lists on this blog.

A top hat full of cats

I never liked this song, but he does break my heart.

Him and his cats. 

When I grow up I want to be the Beatles

I am becoming really nervous all the time about the person I am becoming. 


I mean, this is it, isn't it? "When I grow up I want to be the Beatles" and all that stuff. This is when you know, right? 
I am relying on Marc Bolan at the moment. Ride it on out like a bird in the skyways, ride it on out like you were a bird.  I mean, I don't want to be a wus. As in, I always maintained that it was Bob Dylan who described the Beatles most perfectly in his book: 

"The radio was on from beyond a wall and the sound was coming through the static. The Beatles were singing “Do You Want To Know A Secret.” They were so easy to accept, so solid. I remembered when they first came out. They offered intimacy and companionship like no other group. Their songs would create an empire. It seemed like a long time ago. “Do You Want To Know A Secret.” A perfect 50’s sappy love ballad and nobody but them could do it. Somehow there was nothing wussy about it. The Beatles blasted away."

Solid and intimate and just in general blasting away through the static, you know? But the thing is, John said:


"Don't you think the Beatles gave every sodden thing they had to be the Beatles?"


I just want to give every sodden thing I have, you know? Why fucking beat around the bush?

Note to self

“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.” 

― Frank Zappa

Who also said such faith in humanity affirming things like: 

"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible" 

“If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” 

And he also said that writing about music is like dancing about architecture. So there.

'If it sounds GOOD to you, it's bitchin'

"If a person wants to write music and lyrics, he has a perfect right to express his views on a certain subject. I would feel wrong if I were to express anything that I didn’t believe in. I write what I like to write. Those who like to listen to it, listen to it. And the ones who don’t, watch football and drink beer, jog, go to discos and so forth. I never claimed to be a man for all seasons."

-Frank Zappa

Don't be cool

"Somewhere along the line most people pick up the desire to be a cool person, which is just another way to make them buy things. Once you’ve decided that you need to be a cool person, it makes you a possible victim of anyone whose products are the equivalent of bottled smoke. Somebody tells you to buy this particularly useless item and you’ll be a cool person. No matter how stupid it seems, you have to buy it. Pet Rocks. Pringle’s potato chips. whatever it is — the newest, the latest. Since the cool-person thing is something you learn in school, and since the school business is pretty suspicious and definitely tied up with the government, it makes you wonder whether or not the desire to be cool is part of a government plot to make you buy stupid things."

-

Frank Zappa

Blink and you'll miss it

Keats died from tuberculosis when he was what, 25? What is the deal with that, man? I mean, Marc Bolan, John Lennon, Federico Garcia Lorca, all these poet types that made you feel like they were something else, something not quite real life, something like the ancients, just die so fucking young, you know?
I mean can you guys just hang around for like five minutes before you do your kickflip over the stars.
This modern world has need of thee etc. 


P.S. Also Rimbaud and Pushkin both died at 37. 

All too human, aliens pls ignore

But this is human life: the war, the deeds, 
The disappointment, the anxiety,
Imagination’s struggles, far and nigh,  
All human; bearing in themselves this good, 
That they are sill the air, the subtle food, 
To make us feel existence, and to shew 
How quiet death is.


- John Keats, From Endymion

"For among these winters there is one so endlessly winter that only by wintering through it will your heart survive."

-Rainer Maria Rilke. 

Why isn't this depressed feeling going away. It's been so long. It's so annoying.

As I write this from another tab Damon is yelling-
"This is a low, but it won't hurt you

When you're alone it will be there with you

Finding ways to stay solo"

Let's hope so. 

Maybe I should just call my mother more often. 

Marc Bolan is such a babe.

Babe, I do mean, babe. 

I wake up to this new Libs footage that Roger Sergeant has sent us and now my heart has been broken.

Their first NME cover story.

Oh god. I remember reading that one and falling in love so fucking hard.

But now the thing is that now I am convinced beyond hope that bastard is not kidding about the exclusive content that is going to be in the movie.

And I. cannot. see. it.

Not until a torrent surfaces, anyway. And that may take ages, considering they aren't an immensely popular band. Not now, anyway.

I mean I've noticed it's so much easier to get blur stuff than libs stuff on the internet, if you take away the dedicated and occasionally creepy libertine-run livejournals and the very very brilliant though erratic albionarks.

If I can't watch the fucking movie I am being a corporate sellout and getting a lot of money and going to England to see it. Then I will weep on the sidewalk and be emotionally scarred for the rest of my life, but at least I will be happy.

Peter Said

“‘Boyfriends’s name was Dave, I was bold and brave’ that is Carl’s lines, yeah. And in fact the title “A Little Death Around The Eyes” was the title of a novel his sister wrote, and as soon as I heard that I thought ‘what an amazing title, right, I’m gonna write a song called that’ and he said “no, you can’t, that’s my sister’s novel, you can’t”…but I did.”

-Peter on stealing from Carl as well as his family members 

The middle path will lead you only to death?

"There is no escape. You can't be a vagabond and an artist and still be a solid citizen, a wholesome, upstanding man. You want to get drunk, so you have to accept the hangover. You say yes to the sunlight and pure fantasies, so you have to say yes to the filth and the nausea. Everything is within you, gold and mud, happiness and pain, the laughter of childhood and the apprehension of death. Say yes to everything, shirk nothing. Don't try to lie to yourself. You are not a solid citizen. You are not a Greek. You are not harmonious, or the master of yourself. You are a bird in the storm. Let it storm! Let it drive you! How much have you lied! A thousand times, even in your poems and books, you have played the harmonious man, the wise man, the happy, the enlightened man. In the same way, men attacking in war have played heroes, while their bowels twitched. My God, what a poor ape, what a fencer in the mirror man is- particularly the artist- particularly myself!"

-Herman Hesse